Day 2/31 
I went off to bed last night with um..I don’t know.. anxiety.
We have a section for A-Z on Breast Cancer. Which will be up soon on the new site from the old site.
I saw a page also started that as part of the awareness. She had A for something else.
Here is my A.
A – Anxiety
I had spent a good time scrolling though social feeds and it was all coloured pink! and I also joined that band wagon of pink!
The “awareness” posts.
Get screened.
Get checked.
So many clinics now doing screenings.
Which is great!! 
Then I also found some other posts that spoke about their journey and there was one about a lady who had a double mastectomy and that happy pink feeling quickly went away.
Another post from another group said: PinkTober is more for those that have not gone through breast cancer and not for the breast cancer patients.
And as much as I loved seeing the pink posts and the flood of pink awareness on getting screened and early prevention.
It got me all anxious and as I went to bed, I thought back to that initial moments of finding the lump and the journey onwards from that.
It wasn’t all pink butterflies, it wasn’t icing on cake and pink ribbons. It was anything but pink. 
And yes we all need to get screened and know the services available…but there’s a greater lack of awareness of the real awareness!
And honestly God woke me up early hours to remind me,
to remind me…
That it’s not about the pink!
It’s also about the different shades of green, the black.
The uncoloured days of it all…
That we don’t hear about.
That we don’t want to be reminded of.
But someone out there
Needs to know.
It’s that anxiety, the journey of the unknown…when you feel the lump.
What now?
The emotions of it.
Am I going to die?
Who do I talk to?
Will they still love me?
What do I do?
Who do I turn to?
Why is this happening to me?
How do I face this?
That….that is the real awareness of Pinktober.
Knowing the unknown. Or at least trying to be un-anxious about it all.
And I was reminded of this verse. That I repeatedly repeated daily through that journey.
I will not die but live and declare the works of the Lord. He had chastened me sore but has not given me over to death.
Yet…
Today we think of our sisters who have gone ahead. May we who live through this continue to speak the realest.
For together, stronger we can overcome.
God willing.